Before and Now...

Here are some pictures of me around 30 pounds ago... before my first round of HCG... and before my second pregnancy... (click on any picture to make it larger)






And here's a picture somewhere around 20 pounds ago...



And here is a picture from this past weekend (outside a fried chicken joint, ironically enough)...



My goofy husband...



I still have a looooooooooooooong way to go, but it's encouraging to see a little progress along the way.

1 Minute Update!

Update: I weighed again this morning, and here are the numbers...

14 pounds lost
5 inches off my waist (more than halfway to my "healthy" goal)
4 inches off my hips


Whoop WHOOP!!!!

HCG Day 14 (600 Calorie Day 12)

600 Calorie Diet, Day 5

HCG Day 6

There's a loud noise at the end of my video from the kids who live above us. Other than that little glitch, enjoy!

A Little Nerdy Reinforcement

Do you see that little box on the left hand side of the screen? Do you see the big, fat, happy red number? It's a "4", right? A 4. A FOUR!!

I'm just sayin' y'all... I've lost four pounds.

There was a time in my life (not so many months ago) when a measly 4 pounds would have disgusted me. It's only 4 pounds. All that work for only 4 pounds.

But since finding my recent inspiration, I'm happy. Because I know that, even if it's only four pounds, I will never ever ever see those four pounds again. They're gone. "Nevermore!"

Also, I have struggled so much with this round of the HCG diet. I just can't seem to stick with 600 calories. 800? ok. But 600 feels impossible around 9:00 at night.

But as I was thinking (and praying) about it yesterday, I realized that I haven't been using my new-found super power. When I started the HCG diet this time, I had an ambiguous goal.

It was: I am going to eat 600 calories a day for as long a I can... 20 days... 40 days... who knows... we'll see how I feel.

Um... I didn't "feel" like doing ONE day, much less 20.

So yesterday morning I set a new goal: I am going to eat 600 calories for 20 days. That's it. Only 20 days. Less than three weeks.

Along with that goal, I set some (rather silly) positive and negative reinforcement in place. You see, I have a large desk calendar at work that has stayed mostly white since I started working here. But I bought some fun, colorful markers which I will now get to use on the calendar every day that I eat only 600 calories. Day one (before I bought the markers) looks like this:



For the negative reinforcement, I went ahead and decorated the "Day 20" mark. That way, if I cheat even ONE day, I have to reset my 20 days and thereby white-out and move the 20 day mark. I don't like white out on my calendar.

Day 20 looks like this (again, before the colorful markers):



I realize (oh boy, do I realize) how much I sound like a total nerd right now. For most people, I suppose this little bit of "reinforcement" might seem trivial and totally not worth only 600 calories. But late last night - the cursed hours after 9pm when I am so. very. hungry - I, for the first time, refrained from going above my 600 calories. I drank water. I drank hot tea. I ate a handful of cherries and diced peaches. The reason? I knew that I wouldn't be able to color my calendar the next morning AND that I would have to MOVE the 20-day mark that is already decorated.

This might be the most boring post ever. But I wanted to let you guys know some of the small things that motivate me to stick to my diet. Maybe there are some fellow nerds out there who, like me, appreciate the sense of accomplishment that comes from marking off a calendar day.

Love you guys! Thanks for stopping by!


P.S. Look back up at that first picture - I'll wait while you look. See my "Day 1" box? Now look right below that. July 27th. Can you read those letters? They say, "Brandon's last day." Last day for what? you might ask. Well, my friends, let me tell you. My sweet, handsome, intellegent, funny husband just landed his lifetime dream job! As of July 28, 2010, Brandon will be a highschool math teacher! Whoop WHOOP for a dream come true!

HCG Day 4

(If you can't view the videos here, you can find them on YouTube by searching "brandythixton HCG".

Thanks for stopping by!

HCG Day 2

HCG stuff...

I didn't sleep well last night. It was awful. It felt like the kind of sleep I had several years ago, before I did my first treatment with Dr.Z, and it kind of freaked me out.

So I started doing some reading...

I may or may not have mentioned that I restarted my HCG diet this week (on Sunday, to be exact).

My understanding was that I am supposed to NET 600 calories a day (as I discussed in a previous post) which means I can still work out, as long as I eat enough calories to make up for the workout.

But, upon reading the paperwork from my doctor and doing more research online, it turns out I was wrong.

Apparently, during Phase 2 of the program (the phase I'm currently in), I am supposed to do little-to-no exercise. 1-2 miles of average-paced walking several times a week is ok, but that's it.

There are a bunch of physiological reasons for this, but the gist is that hard-core exercise on so few calories can send a body into "survival mode" and cause it to INCREASE ITS CORTISOL PRODUCTION in order to SLOW DOWN THE METABOLISM and INCREASE APPETITE.

Dang.

That makes perfect sense, considering my cortisol levels felt like they were soaring at 3:00 this morning, and I have felt hungry all. freakin'. week.

So... I'm not really sure what that means at this point. I am going to have to put a hold on my Couch to 5k program, which makes me REALLY sad.

I'm also going to move back my goal of working out 1 hour a day, 5 days a week (including weights).

BUT... I still plan on hitting the gym every morning. I will simply walk on the treadmill at a steady pace for 1-2 miles. The most important thing for me (at least where exercise is concerned) is that I don't lose ground. I am FINALLY, for the FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE able to enjoy waking up early and working out consistently.

Ain't no diet in the world gonna make me lose that.

Oh, and at this point, I'm not giving up Yoga. If I continue doing it, and I feel that it's too much on me (or if my cortisol levels don't start dropping), then I'll put that on hold too. This would be the saddest change of all. But we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

So... I'm a little discouraged tonight that I'm having to postpone so many goals. That's not true. I'm a LOT discouraged.

But, in the long run, I know it's best for me to put losing weight as a priority first, and running a 5k or lifting heavier weights as second.

*le sigh*

Quothe the Raven, "Nevermore!"

Before we get to the meat of the post, I'd like to give you a few updates:

1.) I have lost 2 pounds since I started 6 weeks ago. In the past, that fact alone would be enough to make me stop trying (only 2 pounds?!). However, this time around, it's not just about weight loss. It's about a healthier, happier me. I still enjoy working out, and (despite what the scale says) my clothes are fitting me better. Besides, progress is progress, no matter how small.

2.) I completed the 1st step of my couch to 5k program last night. 90 seconds walking, 60 seconds jogging, for a total of 30 minutes. Last night was the first time I have been able to completely do that step for the full 30 minutes. I'm thrilled! My goal is to be comfortable enough to start step 2 by August 1st, and I might just make that goal!

3.) Since giving up cereal, I haven't really missed it at breakfast time, but OH! how I miss it late at night when I'm hungry and tired. Nonfat yogurt and fruit has become my new breakfast of choice, but I'm still hunting a good late-night substitute. (Always open for more advice on this topic.) Last night I had a big glass of chocolate milk (skim), and that was the closest I've come to enjoying a late-night snack as much as I enjoy cereal. Ho hum.

With those updates behind us, I'd like to share with you some things I have been learning about living a healthy lifestyle. This topic has become my recent internet reading of choice, and I wish to goodness that I had written down where I read all this stuff. But the fact is that I have read so many articles, I can't seem to find any of it again.

So, let me apologize in advance to the original authors of these ideas. You have inspired me, and if you see your ideas here, please let me know. I'm more than happy to give you the credit you deserve.

Without further ado, a list of lessons I have been learning:

1.) Just do it. Ok, so I know Nike said this first. But the gist of this author's point was that too many people are looking for "motivation" to exercise. But to seek motivation implies that you need to "feel motivated" to do something. The fact is, some days there is no motivation. Like this morning: it was pouring (and I mean POURING) rain outside. I did not sleep well due to a late night workout last night. And I just discovered that, despite my many weeks of hard work, I have only lost 2 pounds. Folks, if there was a morning for me to lack motivation, it was this one. But just as I went to hit my snooze button one more time, I remembered this author's words (and I'm paraphrasing): Nobody "feels" like exercising all the time. So on days when there is no motivation, get over it, and just do it.

2.) More exercise = more food. This is yet another reason I am loving exercise these days. According to my doctor, I should be eating Net 600 calories a day (total caloric intake - calories burned in exercise = 600). That means, if I work out hard enough to burn 600 calories, I can DOUBLE my calorie intake that day! I know this sounds simple, but it ends up working out like this: Hm. I'm hungry. How many calories do I have left today? Only 33?!! I better hit the gym so I can snack. Totally awesome discovery.

3.) Nevermore. I'm pretty sure I saw this one on a YouTube video (which I can't find now), but the lady who had lost bookoo's of weight, wore a personalized necklace that held this word: Nevermore. It was a mantra that meant: I will never weigh more than I do today. Nevermore. This is the word that rang in my head when I stepped onto the scale and realized I had only lost 2 pounds. Sure, it's only 2 pounds, but I will never ever ever see those two pounds again. They are gone. Nevermore.

4.) Only One. Finally, someone on the myfitnesspal.com message boards posted this poem that has made such a difference in how I view "just 1 pound":


"Hello! Do you know me? If you don't, you should.
I am ONE POUND OF FAT, and I am the happiest pound of FAT that you would ever want to meet!

"Want to know why? It's because no one ever wants to lose me! After all, I am only ONE POUND OF FAT. Just ONE POUND. Everyone wants to lose 3 or 5 or 15 pounds, but never ONLY one. So, I just stick around and happily keep you. Then I am free to add to myself, ever so slyly, so that you never seem to notice...

"That is, until I have grown to 10, 20 or even 30 pounds in weight...

"YES... it is fun being ONLY ONE POUND OF FAT... left to do just as I please.

"So, when you weigh in, go ahead... just keep on saying, "Oh I only lost one pound." (As if that is so terrible.) For you see, if you do this, you will encourage others to hang around me because they will think that I am not worth losing.

"And I LOVE being around you... your arms, your legs, your chin, your hips, and every other part of you. HAPPY DAYS! After all, I am ONLY ONE POUND OF FAT!!!"

Goodbye, old friend

I made a decision this week. It's been a long time coming. I've known that I should do it for a while now.

Last night, finally acted on the decision.

I am abstaining from all cereal.

I first considered this move when I was skimming the Overeaters Anonymous website. Like AA, OA teaches abstinance from any and all foods that send a person into an "eating binge."

Then I saw this video over at Cindy Beall's blog. She talks about "trigger foods."

Sheesh. You'd think by that point, I would've gotten the hint.

Finally, good ol' Dr.Z (the doctor who FINALLY diagnosed my cortisol imbalance) talked to me about "Morphine Centers" in the brain. He said that, with some people, certain foods create the same feeling in the brain that Morphine does. It's soothing, calming, and addictive. He said, "You know you have a Morphine Center because you crave this food even when you're not hungry, and you don't feel satisfied - even after a big meal - unless you've had this food."

Um, ok. Honestly? The whole time he was telling me that, my brain was screaming, "JUST GET HIM TO HURRY UP AND FINISH TALKING BECAUSE I AM DESPERATELY NEEDING SOME SOGGY CINNAMON TOAST CRUNCH!"

But I kept telling myself the things that all addicts say: "I could stop anytime I want." "I don't have to completely cut it out." "It's okay in small portions." "I can control myself enough to just have it once a day."

But I couldn't. And I do. And it's not. And I can't.

Cereal is my go-to any time... every time. It's a comfort. It's a filler for boredom. It's an excuse to sit on the couch and watch a movie. It's my trigger food that sends me into a bad, bad eating spiral. It's my Morphine.

As you know, one of the small goals I set was to cut back to one bowl of cereal a day by 7/9/10 - Today. I was serious. I WANTED to stick to that goal. I bought a small box of "healthy" cereal to help curb the temptation because I knew that if I ate more than 1 bowl a day, I wouldn't have any for breakfast the rest of the week.

But I also bought sugary kid's cereal for Chloe.

Still, I was DETERMINED.

Turns out, determination isn't enough. Will power isn't enough.

If it's available, I will eat it.

So, as of last night's grocery trip, our family has made a collective decision to not allow cereal in our house (with the exception of whole grain cheerios for Maple's snack time... which, trust me, is NO temptation for me).

Chloe is going to peanut butter toast and fruit for breakfast. I've gone to fruit and yogurt. Brandon is eating plain oatmeal with fresh fruit. Occasionally, we all have eggs.

No more cereal. It's filler food that leaves me longing for more, no matter how much I eat. It's sugary carbs that do nothing to build my little one a healthy body.

And it no longer holds a place in the Thixton home.

I. Am. Resolved.

To Eat or Not To Eat

So... It's 9:47pm, and I just finished putting up all the groceries (after a fantabulous Yoga Night).

But now, a good 4 hours after dinner, I. am. hungry.

Normally, I would go for a scrumptious bowl of sugar-coated milk-soaked cereal goodness. But I have decided to completely cut out cereal for a while. I tried to go to one bowl a day, but if there's a box in the house, it becomes my go-to snack/meal during times exactly like this one - when I'm tired and hungry.

So, here's a question for all my blogger pals - what do you eat for snack in between meals?

I know the standards: fruit, almonds, raw veggies. Anything else? I'm needin' some variety here!

I ready, willin', and able to heed your low-calorie words of wisdom.

Just Call Me Yogi

Today is Thursday, from henceforth to be known as (drumroll, please) YOGA DAY!

My pal Christan and I attended our first yoga class ever last Thursday night. I can't speak for her, but for me, it was love at first cow pose.

I loved it so much, I went back again on Saturday (to make sure it wasn't just some school girl crush). My friends, let me tell you, it's love. The deep, life-changing, never-wanna-be-apart kind of love.

So I downloaded a Yoga app for my ipod (because classes cost an arm and a leg (haha) and love don't bring home the bacon), and I've done it every day this week.

Can I just say... it's truly, truly amazing.

So, my first night (the night that I shall forever remember as the night my world turned upside down)(haha, again) we did Downward Facing Dog, which looks like this.




My first night, I couldn't get the heels of my hands or my feet to touch, which made my Downward Facing Dog look more like this:



And since I've decided to Say "No" to "Doing it all," I thought, "I'm just going to do the best I can and see where it takes me."

Well, friends, last night it took me to a place where everything that is supposed to be touching the ground is touching the ground, and everything that is supposed to be in the air is in the air.

Um, yeah, that's right. That husky girl in the corner doing Downward Facing Dog, it's me. (Get it? Husky? Dog? Can't stop now; I'm on a roll.)

There are still a couple positions I'm not able to do completely. But who knew I was even capable of making it through a Yoga class, much less LOVING it.

So, tonight, Christan and I are off to our weekly Yoga class, complete with squeeky wooden boards and free-spirited teacher.

You don't have to say it, we know we're cool.

New Goal

I'm adding a couple goals for the month of July.

First of all, I am starting the Couch to 5k program, but I am nowhere near in-shape enough to do it by their schedule. So, I'm adapting it to my level by setting the following goal:

Comfortably run the first step of the C25k program by August 1.

That means that, 3-5 days a week, I should be able to "alternate 60 seconds of jogging and 90 seconds of walking for a total of 20 minutes."

My ultimate goal is to run (not walk) a 5k by Christmas. '

That is all.

Small Beginnings

There's a secret power in setting small goals. It's my new-found super power.


You see, I have several BIG goals floating around in my head right now.

I would like to drastically cut my calorie intake.
I would like to start the Couch to 5k running program.
I would like to do yoga every day.
I would like to completely cut out cereal.
I would like to lose 120 pounds.
And the list goes on...

But if I tried to do all of those things at once (as I have attempted in the past) I would give up before the week is finished.

But when I set the smaller goals...

...like cutting out one bowl of cereal a day.
...like adding 2 servings of fruit a day.
...like just making it to the gym an hour every day.
...like keeping track of my calorie intake.

And when I set a deadline for those goals...

...like by the end of July.

When I have those small steps in place, I suddenly have a new super power.

I have the power to say "no" to all the "should's" and "could's" and "if only's" that come with the weight loss game.


You really should be running 3-4 miles a day like your friends.

"No, that's not my goal right now."

You could be losing 2-3 pounds a week if you would only eat fruits and veggies every day.

"Nope, that's not my goal right now."


If only you could be more disciplined and stop eating cereal.


"Nuh Uh, not my goal right now."

All the guilt and shame and fear that comes from not doing what I "should" be doing, suddenly disappears when I realize what I "am" doing.

I am exercising 5 days a week (something I couldn't doing 2 months ago).
I am touching my toes without bending my knees (something I couldn't do 2 weeks ago.)
I am enjoying the after-exercise burn I feel when I wake up in the morning (something I couldn't do 2 days ago).

Everyday I reach a small goal. I accomplish a small victory.

And these small steps give me the power to say "no" to the guilt-induced desire to do everything at once.

Do not despise the day of small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin. - Zechariah 4:10

Ouch... Ooo... Ack... Ugh.... *sigh*

After all that mushy gushy talk about working out. ("oooo... I love love love it. It's so wonderful. Blah. Blah. Blah.")... I. Am. Miserable.

I definitely pushed too hard yesterday. 30 minutes of cardio and 30 minutes of weights in the morning plus 1 hour of hard-core yoga in the evening = a really really sore body today.

I got up early and hit the gym this morning, but I only did 15 of cardio and 15 of weights. I'm exhausted.

BUT the good news is: it's the weekend! So tomorrow and Sunday I will probably not do any more exercise than few yoga stretches and a few scrumptious hours in or around the pool. By Monday morning, I should be feeling fly enough to do an hour-long workout.

In other news... Kashi Go Lean! Crunch is, like, the best cereal EVER! It's a little pricey, which means I'll be limiting my intake to 1 bowl a day. But it's super delicioso! Crunchy, sweet, and second only to Cheerios in health benefits. I think I'm in love.

Weigh-in on Monday. We'll see what happens.

Ah-Ha!

On one of the myfitnesspal.com message boards, the questions was asked: "What was your 'ah-ha' moment?"

Here's my response:

At the beginning of my marriage (when I was much thinner) my husband made only one request of me: to stay healthy. My family has a history of obesity, Type 2 Diabetes, and Heart Disease. My sweet husband wanted (and wants) for me to be healthy and active so that we could raise our children actively and then grow old together.

I have not held up my end of the bargain. I am currently 120 pounds over my healthy weight range (and 120 pounds heavier than I was the day we got married).

My "ah-ha" moment came a month ago. For his birthday, my husband sat me down and gently told me that he didn't want any presents. He just wanted me to promise him that I would start taking better care of myself.

I love him so much, and it broke my heart that I haven't kept my first promise to him (that I would STAY healthy). So, in order to show him how much I love him, I am DETERMINED to become more active and cut out calories.

It's not about my weight. We both feel that I am beautiful. It is about living a long life with him.

Loving the workout...

For the first time ever, I LOVE exercise. I have never understood when people talk about a "runner's high" or how much they "enjoy" working out.

Exercise is work.

Exercise is not something to enjoy. It's something a person has to do if they expect to get in shape.

It's a necessity.

A necessary evil.

But starting it little-by-little has made all the difference in the world for me. I'm doing things I never thought I would be able to do, much less want to do.

I am learning a few things about myself through this process:

1.) If I can walk/jog outside, I prefer to do that above anything else.
2.) I am a fair-weather outdoor walker/jogger. If it's too hot (or too cold maybe?) I hit the treadmill.
3.) Despite my past failed attempts, I am capable of walking on a treadmill without falling off.
4.) I am intimidated by the weight machines if there's not at least one other overweight person using them. (This is something I am determined to overcome.)
5.) I hate hate HATE exercise videos. (This was a real revelation for me, as most of my past attempts to stick to exercise have been in the form of exercise videos in my living room.)
6.) I am more capable than I ever thought I was. I can jog further, lift more, and work out longer than I think I can.
7.) I will not stick to a "plan;" so I don't bother making one.
8.) I love waking up in the morning and asking myself, "What kind of exercise do I want to do this morning?"
9.) I don't think exercise is helping me lose weight AT ALL.
10.) #9 doesn't bother me AT ALL because I love the feeling that exercise gives me.

This is totally weird for me. Totally. Weird.

I'm 120 lbs overweight.

I have run a mile 7 times in my life - once a year from sixth grade through twelth grade for the Presidential Challenge.

I have used a treadmill 3 times in my life - and I fell off twice.

I have attented 1 stationary bike class - and I left 10 minutes into it.

I currently own the following exercise video collection: Tae Bo Beginnger, Tae Bo 8 Minute Workout, 10 Minute Dance, Carmen Electra's Strip Tease, Post-Natal Pilates, Jillian Austin's 30 Day Shred. And I have never done one of them for more than 3 or 4 days in a row.

I am the epitomy of anti-exercise.

But something has changed. I'm not sure how or why, but I am LOVING this morning exercise stuff.

Praise the Lord!

1 month check-in

FOR EXERCISE NEWS... I have been slowly adding more and more exercise to my routine. I started walking about a month ago. I did 20-30 minutes, 3 mornings a week. Then (thanks to a saint of a husband who gets up with the baby every morning) I have been walking 5 mornings a week.

Just this week, I have started going to the gym 5 mornings a week.

This is my first exercise goal reached! I wanted to be going to the gym 5 days a week by the end of June, and that's exactly what I'm doing!!!

The thing that is really exciting to me is that, 2 months ago, the thought of getting up early to work out at a gym FIVE TIMES A WEEK seemed next to impossible. I hated working out. I hated the gym (freakin' skinny people). And I hated the thought of getting up even one minute earlier than I had to.

But my husband heard a guy give his testimony at church. The guy was over 400 lbs. He was so overweight that he would fall asleep sitting up. When he finally had his "wake up call," he started taking baby steps to reach his goals.

He started walking 5 minutes a day. Then 10. Then 30. Then he started going 1 mile. Then 2. Then 3. Then jogging. And so on and so forth.

Now, he is in his healthy weight range, and he runs marathons!

That story has been in my mind from the beginning of this whole thing. Two months ago, the thought of getting up and going to the gym 5 mornings a week sounded like torture.

Now, I totally look forward to it. It's my guaranteed 30 minutes of "me time" every single morning. If I want to quietly walk out in nature, I can. If I want to take a steady pace and call my mom while I walk, I can. If I want to hit the treadmill with my ipod, I can. If I want to watch TV on the elliptical, I can. 30 minutes, all to myself. Every day.

I can honestly say, for the first time in my life, I ENJOY exercise.


My next exercise goal: By the end of July, I want to do 30 minutes of cardio and 30 minutes of strength training 5 mornings a week.

ON THE DIET FRONT... not much has changed. I have started tracking my calories over at myfitnesspal.com, and it has been a total eye-opener! I had no idea how many calories I was actually consuming in a day, even if the food I was eating is considered "health food".

So, my goal for the next week is to cut out one bowl of cereal (I eat 2-3 each day) and replace it with fruit. I also plan to switch from sugary cereal (Honey Nut Cheerios being my drug of choice right now) to a whole-grain or bran cereal. I'm still researching to determine which one is the best choice. Finally, I want to switch from 2% to 1% milk (going to skim milk by the end of the month).

So that's it for me! No weight lost yet (mainly because my calorie intake hasn't changed much), but I'm telling myself that it's not just about the weight loss. I'm SO PROUD of myself for exercising on a regular basis. The weight loss will come as I change my lifestyle.

For me, it can't come soon enough...